. . . it is probably time to take a break.
It's amazing how naturally I go from playing a game, thinking a lot about it, taking those images in my mind's eye and projecting it into my future, imagining playing it having as a significant meaning to my life, learning about the social scene (and social status) of the game, thinking of how I will one day be great, thinking how that means I must be making rapid progress, and being deeply embarrassed when I suffer the kind of set-back a newbie must come to accept.
I wrote that this all happened naturally, and I love nature, so I love this too . . . right? No, this pattern may be natural, but it in unbalanced. This is not the a path that a well-adjusted or centered person will follow for long.
It is natural for any individual, or even a group, to get unbalanced. But the whole will push back to that part. And when the whole gently pushes back, we can tense up, and redouble our efforts . . . or we can breath, get some perspective, and (re)locate a balance.
All of this came from playing Go. I thought I was ready to move down another handicap against Fuego. I thought I understood the concepts to win at the next level down. I did not.
And that should be okay. And it is if you play the game for its own merits, instead of following the path outlined above. I want Go to a game in which I cultivate a different growth than ego-measuring (never will your ego be less than when you are constantly seeking to validate it). To do that, I should only play it when I am in a mood to do that kind of cultivation.
There is the advice to "lose 50 games as quickly as you can." And I like that advice. But, for it to be a real vehicle for harmony in my life -- a stop-gap when I can not get it from natural surroundings bursting with life -- then I need to balance the seeking of 50 games with other values. To be balanced, I must balance the game-of-balance with clearing my head enough to have an attitude open to balance.
